Today, I am at the gym, but it’s way too much like gym class this morning with all the tiny Orange cones, and the lines of bodies running and hopping over tiny obstacles with grace and then… There’s me, the Big One, the biggest one.
“But this is not gym class.”
Is what I thought to myself. Suddenly, I remember being the last one to be picked, and always at the back of line because I can’t keep up 
even after taking two puffs of my embarrassing bright yellow asthma pump. We are splat in the center of the gym doing burpees, then frog hops and wide lunges. But these women are going fast, and twice my age and half my size and I can’t keep up. “Dear God, why can’t I keep up?!!! ” I can’t breathe, and suddenly the chubby little fat girl with the jerry curl, whose gym shorts keep riding up into her crotch has appeared and wants to roll into a little ball and, so what I do? I walk away, yup that’s right.
even after taking two puffs of my embarrassing bright yellow asthma pump. We are splat in the center of the gym doing burpees, then frog hops and wide lunges. But these women are going fast, and twice my age and half my size and I can’t keep up. “Dear God, why can’t I keep up?!!! ” I can’t breathe, and suddenly the chubby little fat girl with the jerry curl, whose gym shorts keep riding up into her crotch has appeared and wants to roll into a little ball and, so what I do? I walk away, yup that’s right.The kangaroos keep bouncing across the gym floor and I run into the woman’s locker room. Keyword is “women’s” locker room, but it doesn’t matter because in this moment, I am that little girl I just described. Then a woman comes into the locker room. Probably one of the bouncy ones with toned arms and ripped abs. Okay, yes I maybe over doing it. I didn’t see her face or body.
“Is someone in here from the Fit class?” She queried. I wasn’t hiding but I wasn’t responding either. I couldn’t go back out there; especially after walking out. How could the size 4’s understand what I was going through for one moment? (That’s a rhetorical question) She asked a few more times and gave up, she left the locker room. Then I cried in my towel, the white gym towel whose threads felt like sandpaper. I cried because I’d given up yet again. I cried because I’d successfully managed to gain back all of the weight I’d lost years ago. I cried because freakin asthma kept me from running and the fat did too… And I’d cried because I was crying and crying wasn’t going to do a damn thing to change it. Eventually, after scrapping my skin off with the gym towel, I went back out to the gym and finished my workout alone. I didn’t leave the gym, I wasn’t mad or upset with anyone but myself, but I am a work in progress and the road to better health is no easy road.
Through it all, we have to put in the work. Believe it or not, we worked our butts off to gain weight. I mean really, this didn’t happen overnight. It happened over the course of a couple of years and for others months. So no, you won’t just breathe, pray, eat and love and watch the weight just melt off. With this in mind, we must process that our weight-
loss journeys will be anything but painless and difficult. It will be a test of our willpower and most of it is all mental. Our stomachs may dictate when we’re hungry, but it is ultimately us who decide what to food put into our mouths, and which; as well as, how much of it goes in.
loss journeys will be anything but painless and difficult. It will be a test of our willpower and most of it is all mental. Our stomachs may dictate when we’re hungry, but it is ultimately us who decide what to food put into our mouths, and which; as well as, how much of it goes in.
Get Fit, Or Die Tryin... 